Remember When
by lux beata
Summary: Brittany's four... a series of moments from life with Brittany and Santana. Brittana preslash so far, don't like don't read!
1. Brittany's Four

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **G

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's four, and her daddy is throwing her up in the air and laughing. He's holding her close in his arms and looking at her, and the twinkle is still in his eye but the smile is gone from his face when he tells her, Brittany, you take the sunlight with you wherever you go. And he looks so serious that she knows that what he's saying is important, and Brittany doesn't always remember a lot of things, but she remembers this moment, these words.

Brittany's four, and she makes a promise to herself not to let her daddy be wrong. She makes a promise to herself to take the sunlight with her wherever she goes.

~

Brittany's four, and she's coloring at preschool. She's using the yellow crayon, because sunlight is made of yellow, and that's why she likes it. She can hear crying, and at first she thinks it's Kurt, but Noah is at the next table squishing play dough snakes into play dough pancakes, so Noah can't have pushed Kurt down today. And besides, Kurt's right in front of her busy coloring with the pink crayon.

She looks around her and she sees a tall man with dark hair at the door, and he has a pretty little girl in his arms, and she's crying. She's crying hard, but whatever it is she's saying, Brittany doesn't understand.

Brittany's four, and she understands about words – she has some words she uses at home with her mommy and daddy, and they're called _Dutch_. And she has some words she uses at preschool, that the other kids understand, and they're called _English_. And so Brittany guesses that the crying girl's words are her home words, and she hasn't learned any preschool words yet. She gets up from the table and goes over and smiles a big smile at the man, and he smiles back at her.

He puts the crying girl down and she looks _scared_, she clings to the mans leg and cries harder when he tries to go, and Brittany smiles at the crying girl. Hello, she says, my name is Brittany, but the crying girl doesn't understand her. Brittany tries the other way, her _Dutch _words, but the crying girl doesn't understand those either, and now the tall man – the crying girl's daddy – is gone and the crying girl looks like she can't breathe, she's crying so hard.

Brittany listens and it sounds like Papi, Papi! and she doesn't know what that means, but she can guess that the crying girl is calling out for her daddy to come back, and Brittany's ears are starting to hurt from all the noise the crying girl is making. The teacher leans down and tells Brittany that the crying girl's name is Santana, and Brittany turns her smile back on, and she holds out her hand.

Santana, she says, and the crying girl quiets down some at the sound of her name. Brittany likes the way Santana sounds in her ears, how the word feels in her mouth, so she says it again. Santana. Santana has mostly stopped crying now, because Brittany is something new to think about, distracting her from the fact that her father has left, and Brittany takes Santana by the hand and leads her to the play house.

On the way she stops at her lunch box and gets out a cookie, because when Brittany's sad cookies make her feel better. She offers the cookie to Santana once they're in the play house, and Santana takes it, and looks at it for a second, then breaks it in half and hands one half back to Brittany. Brittany smiles big and wide, takes the cookie and leans in and kisses Santana on the cheek.

Santana's cheek is round and smooth and soft, and it feels so nice Brittany just has to kiss the other one, too. Then she giggles, and takes a bite of her cookie. There's a feeling in her tummy – not in her tummy, higher, maybe, but inside her all the same – and it's warm, and it started when she took Santana's hand. Brittany's four and she doesn't know what that means, but she knows it feels nice. It will be another twelve or so years before Brittany truly understands it.

Santana, she says, and points to Santana. Brittany, she says, and points to herself. It takes Santana a couple of tries, but she gets it quickly enough.

Brittany, she says, and Brittany doesn't think she can make her mouth smile any wider. The feeling inside her gets warmer.

~

It's a week later, and Santana doesn't cry when her daddy – her _Papi _- leaves anymore. She finds Brittany, and they play together all day. They share their lunches, and Brittany teaches Santana more preschool words. Santana can say cookie and crayon and juice now, and bathroom and play and teacher and duck and oh, lots of words. But mostly all she likes to say is Brittany. Brittany was her first word and Brittany was her first friend. Brittany's four and she thinks maybe one day she'd like to be a teacher, if this is how good it feels to teach someone.

When Santana learns a new word Brittany grins, and when Brittany grins, Santana grins, and when Santana grins, Brittany feels warmer.

It's a year later and Santana knows just as many preschool words as Brittany now, and she's started teaching Brittany some of her home words, which are called _Spanish_. Brittany tried teaching Santana some of her _Dutch _words, but Santana never could quite get her tongue around them. Brittany's five and she's not going to be going to preschool much longer. Brittany's daddy says that when it gets to be fall, and the leaves start falling off the trees, Brittany's going to be going to kindergarten, to real school, and won't it be exciting.

Brittany's five and she doesn't want to go to school, because Santana's four and she won't be going too.

Santana's four and she won't be five for _four months _and until Santana's five, she won't be going to school.

Brittany's five and she's not scared, she's sad. But she knows she has to keep her promise, and take the sunlight with her. So she takes the sunlight to school, and she meets Quinn, and Quinn's smart and pretty, and she's nice to Brittany when Brittany finds it really, really hard to learn to write her name. There are a lot of letters, and when Brittany finally remembers how to _make _them all, she has to remember what comes first, and what comes after that, and that the Y comes at the end, and her last name is so hard that even the teachers give up and let her write her name as Brittany V.

But Quinn's not Santana. Actually Quinn's kind of mean, even though she's nice to Brittany. She's mostly mean to a girl called Rachel, who likes to sing and dance, and Brittany kind of likes to watch and listen to Rachel sing and dance, but when Rachel sings and dances, Quinn laughs at her and calls her names and makes Rachel cry. But Quinn's nice to Brittany, so Brittany says nothing, just draws pictures for Rachel and hides them in her backpack where Quinn won't see them. They're pictures of smiling people and puppies and kitties, and sunshine, always sunshine, and Brittany signs them with a big B, which is the easiest part of her name.

It takes a million years, twelve million weeks, two gazillion days before Santana's five, but when she is, and she stands in the doorway of Brittany's kindergarten class, Brittany squeals, really squeals with excitement, and runs over and hugs her, and Santana hugs back, and Brittany's five and she knows that no matter how nice Quinn is, Santana is her best friend forever and forever.


	2. Brittany's Six

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **G

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Santana's six, and her English is better than Brittany's now, even though Brittany's is just fine. No one would ever guess that she speaks Dutch at home, and Spanish at Santana's house. Santana spends Thursdays at Brittany's house, and Brittany spends Tuesdays at Santana's house, and Santana has managed to teach her enough Spanish that Brittany can even talk to Santana's _abuela_, which is the Spanish word for grandma.

Noah's six, and he hasn't stopped being a jerk. He doesn't just push Kurt down now, he takes his things and throws them into trees and laughs when Kurt cries. Kurt's six and he still cries, and he doesn't seem to understand what a bad idea it is to dress up as a ballerina for Halloween even though it makes Noah tease him more than ever. Noah laughs at Brittany because she still can't spell her last name without Santana's help, but it turns out that none of the teachers can say it anyway, so she's Brittany V. forever now and Brittany's okay with that.

Rachel's six and Quinn hasn't stopped being mean to her, even though she sings and dances even better now than she did when she was four. Brittany still draws her notes and hides them in her backpack (Rachel, not Quinn) because even though she's Quinn's friend, not Rachel's, she still doesn't like the way Rachel makes a sad face when Quinn teases her. Rachel doesn't cry any more, not even when Quinn tells everyone that Rachel has two daddies (like they hadn't all heard it from Rachel anyway) and makes it sound like a bad, wrong thing, and no one will talk to Rachel for _two weeks_.

Brittany's six, and it's February. Brittany can't spell that, but she _can _spell Valentine's Day, because it's written on the blackboard and Brittany's not so stupid that she can't copy. Besides, Santana's right next to her, helping her make sure she doesn't leave out any of the letters.

Brittany's making cards. Quinn made a big fuss about how her mom was buying her _store bought _cards and Brittany looked at them, and they were nice, but Brittany likes hers better. Brittany's six and she likes ducks, yellow, and Santana best of anything in the world, so she's making a Valentine for Santana with yellow ducks on it. It's hard to do, because she has to hide it from Santana, but at the same time has to keep asking her how to spell things.

Brittany makes one for everyone in the class, even Noah, because even though he's a meanie it's not nice to leave people out. She so careful, it takes her so long. On Kurt's she uses a lot of pink because she knows he likes it, and she draws shoes because he likes shoes. Especially high heels like Quinn's mom wears. She uses pink on Quinn's too, and draws a kitty because Quinn just got a kitty. On Rachel's she draws music (Santana has to show her how) and uses green and blue. On Noah's she uses red, and draws a fire engine, because Noah wants to be a fire fighter when he grows up. She makes one for the teacher, with a big red apple on the front. And now she's working on Santana's, and she's using yellow and drawing ducks, because Santana likes a lot of things, but she likes Brittany best, and Brittany likes yellow and ducks.

Carefully, Brittany draws a sun in the top corner of Santana's Valentine, and sits back, smiling at her work. She's proud of her cards, they might not be all store bought and fancy, but she made them all by herself. Santana only helped with the spelling, and showing her how to draw music.

She gets up and starts to hand them out, starting with the teacher who smiles and ruffles her hair. She gives the pink shoe one to Kurt, and he cries, but he's crying happy tears this time he says, he loves it. She gives Quinn hers, and Quinn smiles but it's kind of a small smile, and she looks like she's disappointed.

Rachel squeals when she sees hers, and Brittany grins again, and Rachel jumps up to hug her but Brittany backs away, because she loves hugs but she doesn't love it when Quinn's mad, and Quinn gets mad when anyone's nice to Rachel. She moves away down the desks, and stops in front of Noah, and holds out the card she made for him, and he laughs. He laughs, and tells her that her Valentine is stupid, that Valentine's Day cards are supposed to have hearts and flowers and junk on them, and that fire engines only have four wheels, not seven, and how stupid is she anyway.

Brittany's sad that he doesn't like his card, but she doesn't cry too much, because a person who takes sunlight with her wherever she goes can't just cry in school. And it turns out she doesn't have time to cry anyway, because Santana is hurrying up beside her and she turns just in time to see Santana sock Noah right in the nose. Now Noah's crying, because the blood coming out of his nose is even redder than the fire engine Brittany drew for him, and Santana's mad, really mad, and telling him that Brittany is _not stupid_, and that he should say sorry.

Noah says sorry and the teacher comes running and takes Noah to the nurse, and Santana has to sit in the corner for the rest of the day, and it's not until they're walking home together that Brittany can give Santana her Valentine.

Santana looks at it and doesn't say anything, just pulls Brittany into the biggest hug she can imagine, and kisses her on the cheek. Then she tells Brittany she loves it and she loves Brittany, and Brittany can tell she's telling the truth because she's speaking in Spanish, and she only does that when she's at home or really excited. And it doesn't matter any more that Noah is a meanie, because Santana was there to stick up for Brittany, and Brittany smiles, and takes Santana's hand, and they walk home together.


	3. Brittany's Eight

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **G

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's eight, and her mom is going to have a baby, and Brittany's _so excited _because not only does she get to have a new baby brother or sister, she gets to stay at Santana's house for a _whole week _when the baby comes.

The time is getting closer, and Brittany and Santana talk excitedly about all the things they're going to do when they get to live together. They talk about staying up late and sneaking down to the kitchen for snacks after everyone's asleep, they talk about whispering together after lights out, they squeal with excitement over the fact that Santana's Papi said they could have the little TV from the kitchen in their room for the week, as long as they were good and went to sleep when they were told.

Brittany's mom is getting bigger and bigger, and Brittany's eight and at first she doesn't understand why, until her dad tells her that that's where the baby is growing, inside Brittany's mom, and Brittany thinks that's even cooler than having the TV in the room with them for a week, that her mom knows how to grow _babies in her tummy_, and she tells everyone at school how cool her mom is, but Noah laughs again and says all moms know how to do that, that his mom grew a baby in her tummy a couple of years ago and now he has a sister, and she's not fun or cool or anything, just cries and poops.

Brittany has learned by now not to listen to Noah, because he's always laughing at something or something. He's a Grade A Meanie, Santana says, and she also says half the time he doesn't know what he's talking about. So Brittany's not sad. She knows her mom is totally cool, and she knows her baby brother or sister will be fun and cool, and she pokes her tongue out at Noah and she and Santana flounce off to sit on the swings together.

It's the middle of the night and Brittany is sleeping when the baby starts to come, so her dad comes and gets her up and puts a jacket on her, and carries her down to the car. Her mom is crying, it looks like she hurts, and Brittany's scared. They tell her not to be afraid, but Brittany can't help it, the new baby is hurting her mom and she can't do anything to help. It's the middle of the night and Brittany is in her father's arms because she's only wearing slippers, and they're knocking really gently on Santana's door, and Santana's Papi answers and takes Brittany from her dad. Brittany doesn't cry, not really, because Santana's Papi is nice, and he carries her up to Santana's room and puts her into bed with Santana, who is fast asleep, clutching her stuffed duck tight and sucking her thumb.

Brittany loves Santana, curls up around her and tries to go back to sleep, but she can't because she's scared. What if her mom doesn't come back from the hospital? She's crying a bit more now, and she doesn't want to wake Santana, so she slips out of bed and creeps downstairs. Santana's Mami and Papi are watching TV, some grown up show where a man talks and everyone laughs, and Brittany doesn't understand any of it, just stands in the doorway and sniffles. Santana's Papi holds out his arms, and Brittany curls up in his lap and he holds her tight, just the way Brittany's dad does, and he tells her everything will be okay. Only he says it in Spanish, but that's okay too.

It's the middle of the night and Brittany's tired, so she falls asleep in Santana's Papi's arms, and she doesn't see Santana wake up. Santana wakes up and sees Brittany's bag by her bedroom door, the bag Brittany packed a couple of weeks ago ready for when the baby came, and Santana's smart so she figures out what happened, and she creeps downstairs and sees Brittany asleep in her Papi's arms. Santana feels sort of odd, looking at her Papi holding Brittany the way he is. She thinks maybe it's because she wants to be the one who makes Brittany feel safe. She scrambles up on the couch, and her Papi opens his arms again, and being careful not to wake Brittany, Santana curls up on his lap with her.

It's a tight fit because they're both really too big for this, but her Papi doesn't say anything, just lets Santana fall asleep with Brittany. When Brittany wakes up, she's lying on the couch in Santana's house, Santana next to her and a blanket over the two of them, and it takes her a minute to remember why. But Santana's still asleep, and she's clutching Brittany instead of her stuffed duck, and Brittany forgets to be worried, just smiles and snuggles back down.

Brittany's eight and she feels safe when Santana's sleeping next to her, like everything really is going to be okay. And later when they're both awake, Brittany's dad calls and tells Brittany she has a new baby brother, and his name is Johan, and he has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Brittany tells all of this to Santana, and they're excited together.

It's the end of the week, and Brittany's excited to see Johan, but she's sad to leave Santana. So Brittany's dad says Santana can come too, to see Johan and sleep over, and Brittany's happy again. They're in the living room watching Johan sleep in his car carrier (they're _babysitting_, Santana tells her, just like the big girls in _high school _do) while Brittany's mom and dad have a cup of tea in the kitchen, and Brittany turns to Santana and smiles and holds her hand.

She's thinking, this is just like when we used to play house in preschool, when we could never decide who was the mommy and who was the daddy, so I said we could both be the mommy. But she doesn't know how to say that to Santana, so she settles for smiling and saying nothing. Santana's _almost _eight, and she surprises Brittany by saying just what Brittany's thinking, that this is just like preschool and playing house.

Johan wakes up and he's crying, and Santana picks him up just like Brittany's mom showed them, and she rocks him and he stops crying, and Brittany thinks Santana will be a good mommy one day. Brittany's dad comes to the living room and tells them they can feed Johan his formula if they're very careful, and he gives Brittany the bottle, and Santana holds Johan and Brittany holds the bottle, and the warm feeling is back, not in Brittany's tummy, but higher. Or maybe it never left. She's not sure.

She can't help it, she's feeling warm and soft and so happy, so she leans in and kisses Santana on her cheek. I love you, she says, and Santana smiles that smile she only smiles for Brittany, the one Brittany loves. I love you too, Santana says, and Johan burps and spits up a little and they laugh and wipe his face with the burp cloth, and then they both give him big, gentle kisses on his soft baby head.

Brittany's eight and she's _not dumb_, Santana says so. She knows that being a grown up is much, much harder than playing house. But Brittany thinks that as long as Santana is around, the whole world can be as hard as it likes and Brittany won't mind, not one little bit, because everything seems easy and fun and _perfect _when Santana's around.


	4. Brittany's Ten

**Title:** Remember When

**Author: **Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **G

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's ten, and her tummy _hurts_. She doesn't say anything to anyone, she just sits very quietly in her desk next to Santana and tries to do her worksheet. The worksheet is hard and her tummy is sore, and sort of... rolling?

Brittany doesn't feel so good.

She raises her hand, tries to get the teacher's attention, but before Mrs. Finch can call on her Brittany's doubled over in pain. Santana jumps up, yells for Mrs. Finch who whips around quickly and is just in time to see Brittany throw up all over the floor. Everyone else leaps back, a chorus of ews and grosses filling the air, but all Brittany can see is the tears in her eyes because it hurts _really bad_. And some of her throw up got on her clothes, and some of her throw up got on Santana's shoes.

Brittany's crying and Mrs. Finch tells her to stand up, to go to the nurse's office, but she can't get up, she hurts too much, and Mrs. Finch gets Mr. Johnson from next door to carry her since she's making such a fuss. Brittany's in Mr. Johnson's arms and she can hear Mrs. Finch telling Santana to sit down, and she can hear Santana swearing at her in Spanish, and the last thing she thinks before she faints is ooh, Santana's gonna _get it_.

She wakes up in the nurse's office and Santana's right there, and so are her mom and dad, and they say they're taking her to the doctor. Santana wants to come too and Brittany's mom and dad are so worried about Brittany that they don't want to take the time to argue with her, so she gets bundled into the back of the car with Brittany. Santana holds Brittany's hand and tells her not to be scared, even though she looks scared herself, and Brittany can't say much of anything, just throws up again, only this time there's a bucket to do it in.

The doctor says Brittany has ap... appen... The doctor says Brittany has something wrong in her tummy and she needs to go to hospital and have an operation to fix it. Now Brittany's really scared. When her mom went into hospital she came back with Johan, and Brittany loves Johan but she doesn't want to have a baby. She cries a little, and the doctor says not to be scared, and she tells him she doesn't want a baby, and he looks confused. But Brittany's mom knows what she means, and she tells Brittany that she's not going to have a baby, that the doctors are just going to take the hurting parts away.

At the hospital they put her in a room and stick her with needles and make her take off her clothes and put on a paper gown, and Brittany wouldn't mind so much – her clothes have throw up on them anyway – but the room is cold and the gown is made of paper and it doesn't have a back and she doesn't like that anyone can see her butt if they look. She sits on the little bed and shivers.

After what seems like a long time the doctors put her on another bed, and this one has wheels, and they put a mask on her and tell her to count backwards from a hundred. Brittany tries to tell them that she doesn't even know how to get to a hundred counting _forwards_ yet, that her and Santana are working on it but she can't quite get past sixty seven, but before she can make the words come out her eyes are closing and she knows no more.

Brittany's waking up and she doesn't feel much of anything now, the pain is gone and she's sort of floaty and dizzy, but in a nice way. She can't sit up yet but she's too tired to anyway, and her mom is there holding her hand and stroking her hair back, and her dad is on the other side of her, and in his lap is Santana. Brittany smiles at that, smiles to think that everyone stuck around to watch her sleep, but then she falls asleep again.

It's a week later and Brittany's at home. She's not allowed to go back to school for three weeks after the operation, so she gets to sit at home and play with Johan all day, even though she can't move much or very fast at first. Johan is two and he likes to run around, but he likes to watch Blue's Clues too and Brittany loves Blue's Clues, so they spend lots of time together. Johan loves Brittany. He won't sit still for long for most people, but he sits in Brittany's lap and snuggles into her while they watch Blue's Clues and Barney and even Dora the Explorer.

Santana comes around every day after school with homework, but not for Brittany to do – Santana's already filled in all the answers on the worksheets, all Brittany has to do is sign her name on them, so she writes Brittany V nice and big at the top of them and it doesn't matter that it's kind of cheating, because she's sick, right? She shows Santana the little scars she has from where the doctors cut her, and Santana looks like a mix of really interested and really grossed out, and Brittany laughs and hugs her.

And in the evenings Brittany and Santana read, and it's really helping Brittany learn to read better, that Santana makes her take her turn to read. They read books about a group of girls who like to babysit, and while they're reading one on Thursday night Brittany gets an idea from the book, when the girl gets her old toys and puts them in a box for the children she's babysitting to play with.

It's Friday morning and Brittany's rummaging in her closet, getting out all the old toys she doesn't play with anymore. There are building blocks and a rubber ball and a doll house with furniture and even a train set (because even though Brittany's a girl, her mom and dad wanted her to have lots of different things to play with) and she gets all of them out and brings them down to the living room and dumps them in front of Johan.

Johan's two and he doesn't understand about Christmas, but he sure does look like all his Christmases have come at once. Brittany shows him how to put the train tracks together, and between that and the building blocks they spend the morning and part of the afternoon putting together a city that takes over the whole living room. Johan has to take a nap after lunch but Brittany keeps building, and when he wakes up she's done a whole new part, and she lets him pretend to be Godzilla and kick it all down.

It's after school time and Santana's knocking on the door, and Santana's ten and really, too big for baby games like this, but she's setting her school bag down and joining in because it looks like too much fun not to.

It's Friday night, and Santana gets to sleep over tonight because there's no school tomorrow, and Brittany's mom makes mac and cheese for dinner and lets all three of them sleep in the middle of the city they've built, right on the living room floor. And Brittany's tummy doesn't hurt anymore, and Santana doesn't feel too old anymore, and Brittany never felt too old to begin with. And Johan is being so funny, giving Brittany kisses every now and then, because he's only two but he knows that all this fun is because of her.

It's the best fun I've had in ages, Santana says as she and Brittany fall asleep, and Brittany agrees.


	5. Brittany's Twelve

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **G

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's twelve, and so is Quinn, and Quinn likes boys. Brittany listens to Quinn every day talking about how cute Noah is, and she smiles and nods, because she certainly doesn't think Noah's cute, she thinks he's a jerk. But Quinn's really mean to people too, when Brittany thinks about it, and a jerk and a meanie go well together. So if Quinn likes Noah, then Brittany's okay with that.

Brittany's twelve, and so is Santana, and Santana likes boys. When they got to middle school they were joined by all the kids from the other elementary school in the area, and Santana likes a boy called Matt, and Brittany smiles and nods, because she doesn't think Matt is cute either. He's nice enough, but Brittany doesn't understand why Santana gets so mushy over him. Brittany takes comfort in the fact that however mushy Santana gets about Matt, she's not nearly as bad as Quinn is about Noah.

Brittany's twelve, and she wishes she was four, six, eight or even ten again, because this was never a problem back then. She thinks maybe she's not ready to be twelve. She's not ready to read at a twelve year old level, even though Santana helps her every night. She can't spell most of the words on the twelve year old vocab lists, and she can't do a lot of the math that the rest of her grade is working on.

She cries sometimes, because she doesn't want to be dumb, and then Santana hugs her and tells her she's _not dumb_, she's just smart at other things, like loving people and making people happy, and at dancing. Brittany's a really, really good dancer. Even better than Quinn, Santana says, and Quinn's been having ballet lessons since preschool.

Brittany's twelve, and she doesn't think she's ready for today either. Today she's in the bathroom and she's crying because she's a little bit scared and lot embarrassed. Her mom had said this was going to happen one day, but of course, when people tell you something's going to happen _one day_ you never think _one day_ could be _today_. She understands what's happening, understands why (mostly), but doesn't understand why it had to happen while she was stuck at school, wearing a light pink skirt.

The bathroom door is open and Brittany doesn't want it to, doesn't want to see anyone, but Santana walks in and Brittany changes her mind, she really wants to see Santana, because ever since they were little, once Santana could speak English she was the protector out of the two of them. It doesn't take Santana long to figure out what's happened, because Brittany is wearing a light pink skirt. Brittany asks her what she should do, and Santana doesn't say anything for a long moment, then she turns on her heel and sprints out of the bathroom.

Brittany cries again, because Santana was her only hope for a solution that didn't involve everyone laughing at her, and now she's run away and Brittany's all alone. But Santana's back now – Brittany hears her come through the bathroom door, even though she has her back on it. She sees Santana in the mirror, coming up behind her, but she doesn't see what Santana has in her hands until it's too late and the icy cold cherry slushy has already been thrown all down her back.

Brittany turns around, she's hurt and angry and _confused_ – Santana's her friend, why would she slushy Brittany? Only jerks like Noah slushy people! But Santana has another slushy, and she dumps it all over her own head, and smiles weakly. And now Brittany understands why Santana slushied her – the both of them are covered in red. No one's going to notice a little red bit on Brittany's skirt among all the cherry slushy. Let's go to the nurse, she says, and she takes Brittany by the hand, and Brittany stops crying, because Santana knows how to fix _everything_.

Once the nurse hears about Brittany's problem, and because of their wrecked clothes, she just calls Brittany's mom to come and get them both. They have to sit on a towel in the back seat of the car, but Brittany's happy she didn't get laughed at (for anything other than being covered in cherry slushy).

What's it feel like, Santana asks, when they're both showered and changed and lying on Brittany's bed watching the Wizard of Oz. Brittany tries to explain it, but she knows she's not doing a good job, and she eventually gives up and changes the subject. She brings up Matt, since that's a good thing to bring up if she wants the subject changed.

Santana can usually talk for hours about Matt, but today she's very quiet. Brittany waits, and before long, in a very small voice, Santana admits that Matt kissed her.

Brittany knows she ought to be excited for Santana, ask her when and where and how it was, but she's distracted by a weird feeling. It feels like she's cold but sweating at the same time, the back of her neck is prickly and her tummy is flip flopping and not in a good way. It feels like she's going to throw up, but she's not sick, and she can't understand why she feels this way. She knows it's not anything to do with her problem – she only started feeling like this when Santana said Matt had kissed her.

Santana can't look at her and she asks if Brittany heard her, and Brittany nods but can't say anything, just snuggles into Santana a little more, because she's suddenly feeling like Santana's very far away from her.

Brittany's twelve and she doesn't like boys yet, and she kind of wishes Santana didn't either.


	6. Brittany's Fourteen

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **G

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's fourteen.

She thinks things now are weirder than they ever have been. Okay, she's a Cheerio now, which she always thought was a breakfast cereal, so at first she couldn't understand why Santana was so excited when she was dragging Brittany along to the try outs. But Brittany likes Cheerios (the cereal) and she loves Santana, so she went without much of a fight, and when she danced for Coach Sylvester she was told straight away that she had a spot on the team. She gets a uniform and some pom poms, and now everyone at school acts like she's something special.

Brittany doesn't get why the uniform makes her special. Santana's been telling her she's special since they were four years old and Santana learned how to say special in English.

But she's not denying it's nice. People who laughed at her because they thought she was dumb, still think she's dumb but now she's _hot_, which is sort an interesting and bewildering transition to make. Brittany looks at her face in the mirror when she's in the bathroom getting ready in the mornings, and she doesn't think her face looks any different in the uniform to when she's out of it. But according to the student body at William McKinley High School, the uniform makes her hot.

Apparently the uniform makes Santana hot too, but Brittany doesn't like what else it does to Santana. It feels like she's trying to prove something, though what Brittany doesn't know and doesn't think she wants to know. Santana's done with Matt, has moved on to Noah (whose name is _Puck_ now, go figure), because Quinn didn't want him anymore when she realized that he really was a jerk. Santana says she doesn't care that he's a jerk because he's a good kisser, but that only made the sick-stomach-prickly-neck feeling come back, so Brittany changed the subject.

Brittany's fourteen and she's kissed a boy. Matt's friend Mike is cute and nice and he kissed her after Cheerio practice – after his football practice – underneath the bleachers, and it was soft and warm and a little bit wet but Brittany didn't understand what was so special about it. She told him she just wanted to be friends, and he said that was okay, and that she was still the prettiest girl he knew, and that made Brittany feel sort of warm inside. But she still doesn't want him to be her boyfriend.

Brittany's fourteen and she's at a party. It's not her first boy girl party, but it's her first boy girl party that's not just at someone's pool in the afternoon. It's dark out, and Matt's parents are home but they're upstairs, and all the kids are downstairs listening to music and drinking soda and they're playing Spin the Bottle. Brittany doesn't get it until Santana whispers in her ear, and she feels kind of weird about the whole thing, but the kids don't laugh at her so much anymore, so she doesn't want to make them start again. She sits down in the circle between Santana and Mike, Mike who is looking at her with this look of hope on his face, and she takes her turn.

She spins the bottle and it lands on Noah – _Puck_ – and she grimaces but she kisses him anyway, and he uses his _tongue_, and even though Brittany's heard of that she didn't know how _gross_ it would be, and she _really_ doesn't understand why Santana thought he was such a good kisser. She's glad that she doesn't have to take another turn until everyone else has had a turn, right around the circle. Quinn spins a boy called Finn – he's one of the kids from the other elementary school – and they kiss for so long that people start laughing and clapping, and when they break away Quinn's face is all prettily red and Finn looks dopey and bashful. Santana spins Puck and practically launches herself at him. Puck spins Mike and everyone cracks up laughing and Puck makes them let him spin again, and he gets a girl whose name Brittany doesn't know, and then it's Brittany's turn again and she spins.

And it lands on Santana.

And Brittany doesn't see what the big deal is, she's been kissing Santana on the cheek since they were four and first met, so she leans in. And suddenly the boys are whistling and hollering and she hasn't even kissed Santana yet. Santana looks weird, hesitant, but she doesn't try to make them let her spin again, like Puck did. She leans in and Brittany's lips brush hers.

It's soft and warm and a little bit wet, and Brittany doesn't really feel anything about it, one way or another. She doesn't not like it, she guesses. After a second, though, that changes, and she decides she does like it. She likes it a lot, in fact, much better than when she did this with Mike (maybe it's because it's Santana, who knows her better than anyone else), but it's done now and her eyes flutter back open in time to see Santana pulling back, her eyes wide. The boys are cheering and Quinn looks kind of intrigued and disgusted at the same time.

Brittany's all tingly, and she thinks she wants to do that again, but Santana gets up from the circle in a hurry, grabs Puck and drags him outside. The next time Brittany sees them it's sort of hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, they're kissing so hard. She gets that prickly neck flipping sick stomach feeling again, only this time she really does throw up. Then she calls her dad to come get her.

It's a couple of days later and Brittany is lying on her bed thinking when there's a knock on her door. She doesn't say come in but Santana comes in anyway. She sits on the bed next to Brittany and doesn't say anything.

Brittany wants badly to talk about happened, because she's not sure exactly what _did _happen, apart from they kissed and then Santana went and let Puck eat her face. But she knows Santana, knows how stubborn Santana can be, and knows that if Santana's not talking, she doesn't want to talk about it. So they don't talk.

Santana digs around under the bed and pulls out Brittany's crayons and coloring book, the one with all the Disney princesses, and they start coloring, even though Santana says that they're too old to do this sort of thing. Brittany likes coloring and it's something to do while she waits Santana out, so she focuses on Ariel, on mixing blue and green crayon to make her tail the right color, and then Santana speaks.

Did you like it, she asks. She doesn't say anything else, but Brittany knows what she meant.

Yes, she replies. Short and simple. She hadn't seen what the big deal was then, and she didn't now. I liked it, she says, and she's never seen this look on Santana's face. She looks... torn. Happy, really happy, but at the same time scared.

Me too, she whispers, then looks back down at the picture of Snow White she's working on. Brittany stays quiet. Santana's working through something in her head, Brittany's smart enough to figure that much out.

We can't tell anyone, Santana blurts. Brittany thinks she knows why, because they're both girls, and even though she doesn't think that's a big deal, clearly Santana does. She nods even though she doesn't really understand why Santana's so scared, and when she nods, agreeing that they can't tell anyone, Santana smiles properly, finally. She leans in, and they're kissing again, and it's even better the second time, because there's no one watching. It's just them, and their lips together, soft and warm and a little bit wet, and _no tongues_, because when Noah did that it was _gross_. Even Santana admits that, giggling, when Brittany gets up from the bed and puts on a movie.

The sick stomach prickly neck feeling is gone and in its place is just warm and soft and safe, like sliding into a big bubble bath. They don't talk about it anymore, they don't do it again, cos it was nice but it's done now. They sit and they watch Finding Nemo, and Brittany's happy because things are finally back to a way she can understand them.

And there are no stupid boys making things weird.


	7. Brittany's Sixteen

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's sixteen, and she's lying in bed with Santana, and they're watching a movie.

For as long as she can remember, this has been their Friday night ritual. Some people call Friday night date night but even Santana shifts her dates to Saturday so she can spend Friday with Brittany. Santana's still with Puck but she never lets him get in the way of time with Brittany. Brittany doesn't have a boyfriend and it's not for lack of options, she just doesn't like any of the boys at school enough to have them as a boyfriend. She has Santana and she feels like that's enough.

They curl up on Brittany's bed and take turns picking out movies. Santana usually picks out horror movies and then Brittany spends the whole time with her face buried in Santana's neck, too scared to look. Brittany picks out Disney movies, kids movies, classics.

Tonight Santana spends the whole movie looking at Brittany.

Brittany doesn't notice at first, she's too engrossed in watching the Von Trapp children sing, but finally she does. She doesn't say anything, just turns her attention from the screen to Santana. They're lying in Brittany's bed and it's really too small for the two of them, but they can still fit if they tangle themselves together, so they have.

They're both wearing boy shorts and tank tops, just regular old sleepwear like they've worn a thousand times before. There's nothing special about tonight, it's just the same old thing they've done a thousand times. They're looking at each other now, and as well as Brittany knows Santana, she's still never seen _this_ look on Santana's face. She doesn't even know how to describe it.

You're so beautiful, Santana says suddenly, and Brittany smiles, because it's not the first time she's heard that from Santana. It is, however, the first time Santana's said it in quite that voice. Santana leans in and they kiss.

They've progressed since they were fourteen, they kiss with tongue now, and Brittany thinks that's sort of funny, because when Puck did it way back then she thought it was _so gross_, his big tongue slobbering all over her face. But when Santana does it, her tongue doesn't slobber like his does, it 's light and it flicks and darts and teases and makes Brittany feel like her stomach might flutter right out of her body. So she lets Santana kiss her, and she kisses back. She's forgotten all about the movie, all she can think about is how nice Santana's kisses feel, how good Santana's lips taste when she lets her tongue slide out softly to taste them.

Her tank top barely makes a sound when it hits the floor, neither does Santana's, but Brittany makes a sound, a soft sound, a whimper when she sees Santana for the first time. Oh sure, they've seen each other getting changed a hundred times, but this is different, this is in a bed, this is with kissing, this is that thing that's between them that they don't tell anyone about. This is hands, this is fingertips, this is soft kisses in places they've never been before, and it's new and it's amazing and Brittany feels like she can't breathe, it's _too much_ and it's _not enough_ all at the same time.

Their boy shorts are next, silently falling from their hands, and there's so much skin it's hard to know where to start. Santana's hands are so gentle it makes Brittany want to cry, and there's something building inside her, and it's big, and it's _here_ and Brittany gasps and clutches at Santana because she feels like if she doesn't hang on to something important, she might just go shooting up to the _moon_.

It's a couple of minutes later and Brittany's fingertips are doing their best to take the same paths Santana's took, doing their best to touch all the same places and make her feel all the same feelings. There's beauty here, so much beauty, and it's not just Santana's body (even though Brittany thinks it's maybe the prettiest thing she's ever seen) it's the look in Santana's eyes that makes Brittany's breath catch in her throat.

She can see it happen, when Santana feels that something building, she can see when it gets here and Santana makes a strangled noise, her face all at once surprised and happy and something else, too, something Brittany still can't describe.

It's a while later and they're quiet, still curled up together in Brittany's bed, still looking at each other, their clothes still on the floor. It's Santana who speaks first, because Brittany still knows better than to push her.

So, she starts, and she doesn't say anything else for a couple of minutes. I've never done _that_ before, she whispers, and Brittany can't decide if she's surprised or not – she knows Santana would have told her if she'd done _that_ with someone, but everyone at school says that Santana does _that_ with anyone who will have her. Brittany's warm inside, warmer from finding out she's the only one who's been allowed to make Santana feel that way.

Me neither, she replies, and Santana smiles at her, Santana's real smile, not Santana's Cheerios smile.

Brittany knows this is just one more thing she can't tell anyone about, but she's not sure she wants to. Here, under the covers with Santana, just the two of them, Brittany doesn't want to share this with anyone else. I love you, she tells Santana, and she curls around Santana just that little bit more to go to sleep.

It's morning and Santana's asleep. Brittany's watching her, and without thinking about it her hands are tracing little patterns up and down Santana's arms. She sees goose pimples rising on Santana's skin and tugs the blankets up a little higher, pulls Santana in a little closer, wanting to warm the goose pimples away.

Santana's eyes are fluttering open and the first thing she does is bury her face in the curve of Brittany's neck, nuzzling gently with her nose and dotting little kisses on Brittany's skin and Brittany makes a little noise to let her know it's nice. It takes a minute before Santana pulls back enough to look Brittany in the eye but when she does, her face is all smiles. Hey, Santana says, her voice husky with sleep, and Brittany just smiles back, leans in and kisses Santana quickly.

Brittany's sixteen and she thinks she could definitely get used to this.


	8. Brittany's Eighteen

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's eighteen and she's not graduating with her class.

And it's not even like it's some huge surprise to her. She knew that sooner or later drawing ducks wearing sombreros on her Spanish papers, and doing equally dumb stuff in her other classes, was going to come back and bite her in the ass. At least in her mind she has a good reason for goofing off in Spanish – she's been speaking Spanish with Santana and her family since she was four. She just doesn't want Mr. Schue to feel bad that the school dummy can speak better Spanish than he can.

Come to think of it, if she'd just tried harder in her classes she could have done a lot better. Maybe she would be graduating with the others. But it just seemed so unimportant and uninteresting to her. There has always been something better to do than study, like hang out with Santana, kiss Santana, touch Santana. And there's Cheerios. And then there's Glee, which even Santana admitted to liking. With all of that on her plate, who can really blame Brittany for not doing so well in Algebra or something?

Brittany's eighteen and she's going to be a second year senior. She sees the looks of resigned disappointment on everyone's faces. It's hard seeing her parents look like that, but it's worse seeing Santana looking like that.

Santana's eighteen and Brittany's been watching her as she opens letters from colleges, some big ones and some small ones, but Santana doesn't say much about college except that she's going to Lima Community College. She says she didn't get in anywhere else, so she's going to stick around for a year and get her grades up and reapply.

Brittany's kinda angry, because she knows Santana's lying. She's spent enough time around Rachel "Motormouth" Berry to know that the big envelopes are good, and there are big envelopes from places like Columbia, NYU, UCLA and Berkeley stuffed under Santana's bed. Santana thinks Brittany doesn't know about the envelopes. Brittany's eighteen and she might not be graduating but she's not so stupid that she can't put two and two together – they're four. And she's not so stupid that she doesn't make the connection between her having to repeat a year of high school, and Santana putting off getting out of Lima for a year.

So Brittany's kinda flattered, and kinda relieved, because she lies awake some nights thinking about what it would be like if Santana went away to college and left her here. Brittany's already vowed to work as hard as she possibly can to make sure she graduates next year and gets some big envelopes of her own.

It's graduation day and Brittany's sitting in the audience watching everyone else in her class walk across the stage, shake hands with Principal Figgins and get their diploma. It's hard not to cry, and when she sees Mr. Schue sitting with Miss Pillsbury, both of them with tears of happiness running down their faces, she stops trying not to cry. She cries because she's so proud of Santana, but she also cries because she wishes she was up there with them. Even in the hideous red gown and stupid hat Santana manages to take her breath away.

Santana makes her way off the stage with everyone else, the stupid hats are thrown in the air, and it's over. Santana is a high school graduate, and Brittany isn't. She stands, slides along the row of chairs until she's in the aisle, and Santana's holding out her arms, and Brittany doesn't have to think about it, just runs into them, and Santana's kissing her on the mouth, hard and passionate, in front of everyone, and she's never done that before because usually she's all about _behind closed doors_.

Brittany doesn't question it, just goes with it, wraps her arms around Santana and in between kisses tells her how proud she is, how clever Santana is, how much she loves her.

I love you too, B, Santana says, and Brittany knows she means it.

Johan's ten and he didn't really have to come to graduation because his sister isn't graduating, but he came to see Santana. Johan's had a huge crush on Santana since he was eight, and he picked out a huge bouquet of flowers from the florist, picked them out himself and paid for them with his saved up allowance, picked them out for Santana because he loves her, almost as much as Brittany does.

Santana, Johan says when she he gives her the flowers. Santana, you're so beautiful. And Santana smiles her sweet smile. Thanks Johan, she says sincerely, but I'm not nearly as beautiful as Brittany. And then Santana kisses him on the cheek, and he goes red and giggles and scuffs the toe of his sneaker on the grass they're standing on. And then Santana kisses Brittany, not in a tacky, over the top, Noah Puckerman kind of way, but in an I'm flattered, but I love your sister and that's not going to change kind of way. Johan's ten and he's goofy but he's not stupid either, and he catches on fast, and Brittany can tell he's a little bit sad but he's also happy that Brittany's in love. Because Brittany's so in love it fills her up and takes her breath away.

It's later and they're at the graduation party that Rachel's throwing and Brittany wasn't going to go since she didn't graduate, but Santana insists that Brittany come _as her date_. They've never done that before, had an official date that didn't involve a mission for Coach Sylvester or some other ulterior motive (see? Brittany's already been studying hard since she found out she was going to have to repeat senior year). Santana hasn't let go of her hand all night, and every few minutes she leans over to kiss Brittany on the cheek, to tuck Brittany's hair behind her ear, to run a soft finger down Brittany's cheek. Brittany's basking in the attention, this is what she's always wanted but what Santana was always too scared to give her.

It's later and they're in Brittany's bed and their clothes are on the floor and they're both catching their breath because wow, graduation sex is the best yet. Brittany asks why, why now when Santana has insisted on hiding for so long. Because it's over, Santana says, they're eighteen and high school is over and none of it matters anymore, none of it but Santana and Brittany. Brittany sighs happily, the bed was too small when they were sixteen and it's too small now, especially now that they have to share it with this love that's suddenly bigger than the both of them, but right now it's perfect.


	9. Brittany's Twenty

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's twenty and she's proud of herself.

She finished high school, albeit with a lot of hard work and help from her dad, from Mr. Schue, and of course from Santana. She graduated the spring after Santana and everyone else did, and there's not one single person in Glee, scattered as they are all over the United States, who didn't make the trip back to Lima to help Brittany celebrate. They all know how hard it was for her, she's not book smart like Rachel or Quinn or Santana, but she did it anyway, and Brittany can't think of anything better celebrating with her favorite people in the world.

It turns out that graduation sex is even better when it's your own graduation.

Brittany gets into UCLA. Her grades are hardly a 4.0 but they don't suck, and her extra curriculars tip her over, and Santana reapplied and got in again (they'd wanted her the first time around, it was obvious she would be able to do it again). So at the end of the summer they fly to California and move into the dorms to save a bit of money. They room together, Brittany doesn't know how Santana manages it but she does, and the whole year there's one bed that doesn't get slept in.

Brittany's twenty now and she's in her first year at UCLA and it still gives her a little tingle when she gets to say that out loud, because she never imagined she'd do well enough in school to get this far. She doesn't know what to major in for a long time, but in the end she picks dance and drama, because she's good at dancing and it turns out she's good at acting too. She doesn't understand most of the technical terms – not until Santana helps her make flashcards and they play strip-flashcards to study – but she _is_ good at making a picture of her character in her head, and sort of worming her way inside of it. Her first play is a success, and the campus newspaper says she's fresh, talented, and someone to watch. Brittany sends a copy home, and the next time she talks to her parents, they tell her they've framed the review and hung it over the mantelpiece.

Brittany can't describe how good it feels that she's doing something with her life that her parents can _actually_ be proud of her for. Most of Brittany's other classes are pretty hard but Santana helps her with all of them, and between that and actually working hard for the first time in her life (apart from her last year of high school) she's doing okay. More than okay, really. She's passing everything, and she makes a lot of friends.

Santana's almost twenty and she's in her second year of college, her first at UCLA. It turns out that even though she doesn't think she's the most patient of people, she actually has a real talent for teaching. So Santana's majoring in Education. She says she wants to work with little kids, with preschoolers, because she doesn't think she could teach high school, she wouldn't have the patience to deal with teenage attitudes. Brittany thinks Santana teaching is a great idea. After all, Brittany's fluent in Spanish because of Santana's influence, and pretty much every other factoid that Brittany's managed to keep in her head is because of Santana's patient tutoring.

When school gets out they find a place off campus to live, it's on the third floor of an okay building. It has a kitchen and a bathroom and a living room, and it only has one bedroom. The agent isn't even going to show it to them (she assumes they need two bedrooms) until Santana leans in and with an arm around Brittany's waist and a nuzzle to her cheek shows the agent that one bedroom is just fine, thank you very much. They sign the lease and begin to pack up their lives.

Brittany's twenty and she's probably more tired now than she's ever been in her life. She carries the last box up the stairs and surveys her surroundings. The place is a mess but it's _hers and Santana's_ and not even the days worth of unpacking they have in front of them can ruin that for her.

The furniture is a crazy mix of old and new. There's stuff brought from their family homes like the couch (rescued from Santana's parents' den) and the chairs (Brittany's parents have just bought an all new lounge suite, no reason why Brittany shouldn't have the old stuff). There's stuff bought new like their bed, queen sized, room enough to spread out but small enough to warrant a lot of snuggling. And there's stuff donated by friends, like the bedside tables, a matching set made by hand, mostly by Finn and Puck but stained by Johan. Brittany loves every smudge and speckle on those bedside tables, because her baby brother did it all himself.

Their furniture shouldn't look good, shouldn't look right because it's all so different and nothing matches anything else, but it looks good and right because it belongs to them. And Santana's lounging in the doorway that leads to the kitchen, _their_ kitchen, looking so delicious that Brittany just has to take the few steps needed to catch Santana by the arm, pull her in close and kiss her. It's the first kiss of many, the first kiss in the apartment that's theirs. They're grown up now and god, it feels good.

To hell with the boxes, Santana says. She says they have to christen the bedroom, and Brittany's not sure how you christen a room, but she knows how to christen a person, and she's pretty sure they'll need a priest or something because there was a priest when they christened Johan, so she reaches for the phone. But Santana giggles, pulls her back, whispers in her ear even though there's no one else around, and Brittany stops reaching for the phone, because Santana's version of christening sounds much more fun than having a priest over.

It's later. Santana's asleep, her long legs tangled with Brittany's the way they used to do when the bed was too small for both of them. Brittany's awake, because she can't quite believe they're here. Brittany's twenty and she's loved Santana since they were four and Santana gave half of the cookie back, but back then she never thought things could turn out so damn perfect. She stares up at the ceiling for a while, her hand still tracing up and down Santana's soft skin, and listens to Santana breathe. Every now and then Santana lets out a little moan or whimper in her sleep, tiny little noises of contentment that make Brittany smile. She closes her eyes and falls asleep finally with a smile on her face.


	10. Brittany's Twenty Four

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

A/N 1: Now that they're in their twenties, I'm not going to be posting about every second year the way I have been. Not as much changes in two years now as it does in childhood.

A/N 2: I've thought about writing Santana's point of view for the in between years, but as of now I won't be. I think what I have stands fine on its own, and I don't know that I could do Santana's voice justice.

A/N 3: I'm loving all your comments – it's nice to feel so appreciated! Feedback is love, especially when it's specific feedback – nothing better than knowing what the people like so you can give them more of it, lol!

Brittany's twenty four, and she doesn't think life could get any more perfect. She's got a great job – they're actually paying her to dance and sing and act. Her troupe of performers goes around elementary and middle schools and puts on shows that are kind of like public service announcements, but way cooler. Brittany's favorite is the sketch they do about best friends. She always thinks about Santana while she sings her song, and she's getting rave reviews, and one of the teachers asked her if the group had considered recording a CD of their songs.

Brittany doesn't think they're _that_ good, but it still feels good to be asked.

Santana's twenty four and she's a teacher now. It's funny, as much as Brittany thought it was a good idea for Santana to teach, she never could quite picture Santana teaching anything to anyone but her. But she sees the way the kids respond to Santana, and more importantly, sees the way Santana responds to the kids, and it's so beautiful. This, right here, is definitely what Santana was meant to do.

She's at the door of the preschool now, to have lunch with Santana because she has a couple of days off from rehearsals. The other teachers know her and invite her in with smiles, and at first Santana doesn't see her because she's busy with a little boy. He's maybe two, and he's all curly red hair and big brown eyes, eyes which are wide with fright, maybe at all the noise. And Santana's sitting with him, talking to him quietly. Brittany's too far away to hear the words she's saying but she can pick up on the tone, low and soothing. As the little boy slowly warms up to the activity at the table, Santana ruffles his hair gently and gradually distances herself from the table, standing back to watch as the little boy relaxes.

God, Santana's so damn good with kids, and Brittany's sure no one who knew them in high school would believe a word of this. Santana turns and sees Brittany, and Brittany watches her eyes light up. Brittany knows her face looks just the same.

One day Brittany notices something different. The cheap sterling silver ring that she bought Santana in high school, the one Santana always wears on her right ring finger, has been moved to Santana's left hand. But Brittany's pretty sure that's the finger you wear wedding ring on, and it seems sort of odd, so she asks. Santana says just trying it out on a different finger, and she seems sort of defensive so Brittany drops it.

It's later that night and Santana's been quiet, but so has Brittany, so it's not too weird. Brittany's been thinking, about their life, their new apartment – this one has two bedrooms, it's bigger than the last one because they can afford more now – and about how nice everything is. She wonders what Santana's thinking about.

Let's take a trip back home, Santana says out of the blue, and Brittany agrees. It'll be nice to see her family again. They plan for two weeks, a week with Brittany's parents and a week with Santana's because they don't consider for a moment staying apart while they're back in Lima.

Santana's quiet for most of the plane ride, but she perks up again at the airport when she sees their families who have come to meet them. Johan sprints halfway across the arrivals lounge to throw his arms around Brittany, blushing because Johan's sixteen now and he's supposed to be too cool for stuff like this, but he loves his sister, loves her more than looking cool, and he squeezes her tight because he's missed her.

Hey, Santana says playfully, putting on a fake pout. I'm feeling a little left out over here. And they laugh, and Johan blushes harder and hugs her too. It looks like Johan's crush on Santana hasn't gone away. Santana hugs him back, because she loves him like a brother – after all, he's the brother she never had.

It's a nice week with Brittany's parents. They meet Johan's girlfriend, a quiet girl with big dark eyes and dark hair. Come to think of it, she looks a little like a younger version of Santana, and they tease him about it she goes home. Poor Johan, it seems like he's destined to spend Brittany and Santana's homecoming blushing, but Brittany can tell he really likes this girl, more perhaps than he likes his ideal of Santana, so she takes him out for lunch just the two of them and helps him pick out a gift for his three month anniversary (it's a teddy bear and a locket. Not too expensive, but not too impersonal either).

Brittany gets to spend some time with her mom, too. They sit in the kitchen and knead bread dough together, and they talk about Brittany's life and Brittany's love and her mom's happy, so happy that Brittany's happy with Santana. Brittany is happy, she really is, but she still hasn't figured out why Santana's been kind of distant this trip.

It's a nice week with Santana's parents. Santana's _abuela_ is still around, only she can't walk much now, and she's delighted to see Brittany, goes off into a stream of rapid fire Spanish and monopolizes most of Brittany's first evening there. Brittany feels bad, but when she looks for Santana, to give her an apologetic look, Santana's disappeared with her Papi, and her Mami either doesn't know where they've gone or isn't telling. But it's still a nice week, after that first night. Brittany has a weakness for Mexican food and it almost feels like Santana's Mami is trying to fatten her up, she hasn't eaten so much since she can't even remember when.

Santana disappears once more, on their second to last day in Lima, in the morning this time, but she's back for lunch and she has a weird look on her face, scared and determined at the same time. Brittany feels that sick stomach prickly neck feeling that she hasn't felt since she was sixteen, before Santana broke things off with Puck. She's suddenly terrified that Santana's not happy, that she's going to break things off and she's doing it here so that Brittany will have her family for support. Brittany spends the afternoon freaking out, but she does it silently, pretending she's not because she doesn't want Santana's _abuela_ to worry.

Let's go for a walk, Santana says on their last day, and oh God, Brittany thinks. This is it, Brittany thinks. But Santana holds out her pinky for Brittany to link, they way they've been doing since high school, and when they leave the house Santana seems fine. Brittany's stomach is dipping and rolling, but she says nothing, just looks at the sidewalk, at their joined pinkies, thinks about anything but how this is the end.

When she looks up they're standing outside the preschool, and Brittany's distracted from her thoughts by the flood of memories that wash over her. Santana produces a key and unlocks the gate, and they walk in. The place is deserted, it's a Saturday, and they stroll slowly over and sit down on the swing set, the seats just a little bit too small for them. Brittany looks at the fort that Santana used to be a daredevil and jump off – it was so big back then, and she always thought Santana was so brave to jump off the top – but now she sees it only comes up to their chests. They've grown so much since they were here last, she thinks.

Do you remember the first time we met? Santana asks softly, and Brittany does, thinking back to a bawling, terrified Santana and a shared cookie. Santana reaches in the pocket of her hoodie, takes out a snap lock bag and inside is a cookie. She hands it to Brittany. Without consciously thinking about it, her mind still on her memories, Brittany breaks it in half and hands half back to Santana.

They chew in silence for a minute, then Santana fumbles in her pocket again, handing something else to Brittany. She doesn't look while Brittany registers what's in her hand – it's a little velvet box. Brittany's sure her heart has completely stopped, she opens the box and inside is the most beautiful ring she's ever seen. Later, Santana tells her it's white gold, and has a yellow sapphire in the middle, yellow like the sunlight, yellow Brittany's favorite color. The sapphire is surrounded by little diamonds. Brittany can't breathe, she looks at Santana, who is examining the sand at their feet, scuffing it with the toe of her sneaker.

Will you marry me? Santana asks, her voice gruff (with nerves, Brittany understands now), her eyes still on the ground. Brittany doesn't answer right away, puts the ring on her wedding finger and admires it for a moment. She puts her right hand on Santana's arm, forcing her to look up, and shows Santana her left hand, the ring on her finger.

Yes, she replies. Short and simple.

Santana jumps up from the swing, whoops loudly, her face breaking into the biggest smile Brittany's ever seen, and she grabs Brittany, pulls her in for the best kiss ever, then wraps her arms around Brittany, squeezing her tight. They're crying, both of them, but they can't get the stupid grins off their faces, and every time Brittany sees the ring, the gorgeous ring, she just has to kiss Santana again. They leave the preschool, locking it up carefully, and walk home hand in hand, all their fingers intertwined, not just their pinkies now.

Brittany's twenty four, and she didn't think life could get any more perfect. But she was wrong. This now, _this_ is perfect.


	11. Brittany's Twenty Eight

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

A/N: Been thinking about the Santana thing, and maybe I could be tempted to do her POV during a couple of missing scenes. But I don't want to commit to doing a Santana piece for every missing year lol.

Brittany's twenty eight and she can't quite believe what she's hearing.

Okay she knew Santana was good with kids, but it hadn't occurred to her that one day they might have one of their own. But here was Santana, sitting curled up with Brittany on the couch, talking about pregnancy and donors and having a baby. A baby! There's a tiny miniscule part of Brittany that wants to freak out, but it's vastly overshadowed by the part of her that needs to be kissing Santana. She gives in to the bigger part, climbing on top of her wife – her _wife_, God, it's been nearly three years and she's still not tired of saying that – and kissing her until her breath runs out.

Santana must take her enthusiasm for a yes, because it totally is, and the next day she looks into it seriously, bringing home lots of pamphlets and printouts for Brittany to read. Brittany might be a college graduate now – a _college graduate_, God, it's been nearly five years and she's still not tired of saying that – but she's never been the greatest reader, so Santana pops her a bowl of popcorn and makes cocoa and they spend the evening in bed, snacking and occasionally making out like teenagers, while Santana reads and explains all the information to Brittany.

It'll be much easier if they find a donor themselves. After some discussion they decide that Santana's going to have the baby (because Brittany's making more money at the moment, Santana says, but Brittany's pretty sure the real reason is that Santana just wants to be the one to do it), so they want a donor who looks like Brittany, so that their baby can have the best chance of looking like a mix of the two of them. For a while they look through the lists Santana got from the sperm place, and they find a couple they like, but it's so expensive... and then Brittany says, what about Johan?

Johan's twenty and at first he doesn't like the idea, but once they assure him that he doesn't actually have to have sex with Santana (his girlfriend _really_ wouldn't have liked that idea), he's really excited about the idea of helping to make a niece or nephew. They fly him out for a week or so, and after one incredibly awkward afternoon, he goes home and they settle down to wait.

It's a month later and they're in the bathroom and Santana's peeing on a stick and Brittany's biting her nails, because this is the most important bathroom trip Santana's ever made. The minutes are ticking by and she reaches out, linking her pinky with Santana's as Santana sits on the closed toilet lid and Brittany leans against the counter. The timer goes off and Brittany isn't breathing, doesn't think Santana is either. Santana reaches for the stick, looks at it for a second, bursts into tears and runs out of the bathroom, handing the stick to Brittany on her way out.

The test is negative.

Brittany runs after Santana, catches up to her in the hallway, holds her tight and kisses her. It's okay she soothes, because Santana's really upset that she didn't get it right, didn't make a baby, that she let Brittany down. Brittany tells her that even if they never have a baby, it's still okay, because Brittany has Santana and Santana has Brittany. It still takes a long time for Santana to calm down completely. Brittany's a little surprised at her outburst, really – she hadn't realized how important this was to Santana.

They have to tell Johan, and he's sad too, but he says they can try again and a couple of months later they fly Johan back out and do just that. This time, a month afterward, when Santana pees on the stick, she's already sort of sniffling when the timer goes off and she can't look at it, doesn't want to see if she's failed again. She buries her head in the curve of Brittany's neck, closes her eyes, clutches at Brittany's shirt. Brittany almost doesn't want to look either but she has to, she has to be strong for both of them, and her heart's in her throat because God, if it's negative again she doesn't want to have to tell Santana.

She looks. Looks again. Checks the box because she's not sure what it is she's actually looking for. There are two lines, and she holds the stick up to the box, checks it twice, and now _she's _crying. And of course that sets Santana off, crying into Brittany's shirt but Brittany pushes her away a little, makes her look at the stick.

Oh my God, Santana says, her sudden smile beaming through her tears. We're having a baby.

The celebrating keeps them up all night and they fall asleep in the morning, only to wake up later and start celebrating all over again. It's late afternoon before they get a chance to call and tell Johan and their parents, and then they have to celebrate a little more before they crash, wrapped around each other.

The next three months are filled with Santana either being really tired or really nauseous, and she pees a lot, and Brittany's reminded of what Quinn was like when they were in high school and Quinn was pregnant with Drizzle. She rings Quinn one day while Santana's taking a nap, asks what she can do to make this easier for Santana, and armed with a list of tips Brittany does her best to make Santana feel less miserable.

She teaches herself to cook, something she's never really done before (because recipes are confusing), comes home one day armed with cookbooks and groceries and even though it takes her a couple of tries, manages to make a really decent casserole. It's healthy, and filled with stuff the books say is nutritious and good for the baby, and Santana practically inhales her serving, says it's _really good_, and asks for seconds, and actually keeps it down. And Brittany thinks she can get used to this cooking thing.

The next three months are sort of a roller coaster. Santana spends a week not being able to keep her hands off Brittany (not that Brittany's complaining) and a week crying in the bathroom that she's getting fat. It's bewildering to Brittany because Santana's always been the strong one in their relationship, but she sighs, coaxes Santana out of the bathroom and shows her how beautiful she is. The pattern keeps repeating and Brittany's never really sure where she stands, she's getting scared to say anything unless Santana speaks first.

It's nearing the end of Santana's second three months of being pregnant and Brittany comes home to find a small yellow box with a silver bow sitting on the table – it has to be for her, because the box is yellow – and she opens it and finds a silver locket. There's a note from Santana, she says sorry for being so crazy, but Brittany doesn't need her to say sorry, she isn't mad. She's having Brittany's baby, and Brittany's never loved her more.

It's getting closer to the time, and Santana's big now, big with their baby. She's not as big as Quinn was in high school though, Santana snickers. Quinn really did get _big_. Her back hurts most of the time and Brittany spends a lot of time giving her back rubs, which reminds her of when they were both Cheerios and this sort of thing happened every day. The false alarm comes just before lunch, and Brittany manages to keep calm and call the doctor while Santana freaks out. It is, of course, a false alarm and they don't even have to go in to the hospital. The next time it happens it's dinner time, much closer to the due date and this time Santana doesn't panic, tells Brittany it's probably another false alarm, and Brittany goes back to eating her delicious home made hamburger (seriously, this cooking thing? Brittany so should have tried it years ago).

Then Santana's water breaks and the next twelve hours or so is a blur, with doctors and nurses and Santana screaming and then there's someone else in the room with them, someone new, and he's crying, and he's so tiny, and he's _perfect_.

Brittany curls up on the little bed with Santana and kisses her head and says she's so proud, she loves Santana so much, and the nurse brings the new little person over, wrapped in a soft blue blanket. He's still crying but so are they, and they can't stop looking at his tiny little fingers, those impossible fingernails, his little button nose, his big blue eyes. He looks up at them after a while, he's stopped crying, he's just looking at them and they're just looking at him. No one speaks.

It's still a little hard for Brittany to comprehend that Santana grew this little life inside her, and she can't stop sniffling, grinning, kissing Santana and their son – their _son_, God, it doesn't matter how long she lives, she knows she's never going to get tired of saying that – and she watches Santana look at Adrian, her eyes wide with wonder, and she knows she's never going to get tired of seeing that either.

Adrian and Santana come home after a couple of days and Brittany's not stupid, knows things won't always be easy or even fun some of the time, but she can't imagine living her life any different. This right here is where she wants to be.


	12. Brittany's Thirty Two

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's thirty two and she has her daughter on her hip, the diaper bag slung over her shoulder, and she's running as best she can through the airport. Santana's keeping pace beside her, holding their son firmly by the hand. Adrian's four and he's big enough to carry his own backpack now, and Santana's wheeling their big suitcase with her free hand.

This isn't the first time they've been back to Lima since having kids. They went just after Adrian was born, and again when he was two, right after they found out Brittany was pregnant with Summer. Brittany's not sure how much Adrian remembers about his grandparents, but they're super excited to see him, and he's savvy enough that he's excited too. Whether or not he knows what he's excited about, Brittany doesn't know.

It's later and they're in the arrivals lounge, and Brittany can see her parents who have come to meet them. Adrian's gone uncharacteristically shy, and he holds his arms up for Santana to pick him up, and even though he's getting too big for this sort of thing she doesn't think twice, hoists him up on to her hip and he buries his face her in neck.

Summer's almost two and she takes one look at Brittany's mom and dad and does the same to Brittany's neck. Brittany can tell her mom is itching to take Summer from her and just squeeze her half to death – and she really can't blame her mom, Summer _is_ freaking adorable – but she knows if she even attempts to set her daughter on the ground the tears will be epic.

They're having lunch in the airport, and Brittany sees her mom and dad looking at the kids with such awe and love in their eyes. She looks too, sees what they see. Adrian's going to be a heart breaker – he's all big blue eyes (from Brittany's side of the family) and almost black hair, from Santana. He is Santana's son, definitely, smart and bold and a little sassy and would do anything for his little sister. Once he gets over his initial shyness he starts chattering away to Brittany's dad, and Brittany swears she sees her father getting a little misty eyed, because Adrian's speaking Dutch.

Brittany grins. They hadn't told their parents because they wanted it to be a surprise. Adrian wasn't talking much the last time they came. But Brittany (she's Mama) speaks only Dutch to the kids, and Santana (she's Mami) speaks only Spanish, and the kids are picking up both languages ridiculously well. Adrian has a little English from preschool but Summer has none yet.

Brittany's dad carefully reaches out and hoists Adrian on to his lap, and Adrian smiles, twinkles those blue eyes and helps himself to his _opa's _dessert, and Brittany knows she's going to have to be careful there because she can see her father is going to spoil Adrian and Summer rotten.

She turns her attention to Summer, sitting on Santana's knee, happy enough now that she's sure she's not going to be forced to go to any strangers. She is a mini Santana from top to toe, black hair, big dark eyes and skin just a little lighter than Santana's. She's not at all like the Santana most people know, though. She's so shy and clingy, but neither Brittany nor Santana is too worried, knowing she'll come out of her shell eventually. After all, wasn't Santana the same until she met Brittany?

Santana's patiently repeating _opa, oma_ to Summer, and when Summer chirps _oma_ Brittany's mom claps her hands and reaches for Summer, and to both Santana's and Brittany's surprise, Summer lets herself be held.

Summer falls asleep in the rental car, and Adrian has insisted on being allowed to ride with his _opa_, so it's just Brittany and Santana awake in their car. Have I told you today how much I love you? Santana asks, and Brittany pretends to be hurt that she hasn't, so Santana pulls over and gives her a big, sloppy, silly kiss and declares her love, and they're both laughing when they get to Santana's parents' house.

The two families are having a big dinner together, and for a little while the kids are back to being shy like they were at the airport, only this time Adrian wants _opa_ to pick him up. But before long he's off and running with some of the Lopez cousins after figuring out that he has to switch to Spanish.

Santana's _abuela_ is in her nineties now, but she's still around, ecstatic that she gets to see her great grandchildren before she dies. Summer's playing happily in her lap while Brittany and Santana catch up with the news. She looks up every now and then to check her Mama and Mami are still close at hand, but mostly she's absorbed with a tupperware container and a handful of clothespins and she's singing to herself, a made up tune with made up words, and it's so damn cute that someone gets out the video camera.

Great, Santana says, my daughter is going to be another Rachel Berry. But she's not really cross, she's bursting with pride and so is Brittany, because all anyone can say is how gorgeous their kids are.

Johan arrives later with presents for both kids, and Adrian remembers him, charges over to be swung up in the air by his uncle, then wriggles to get down and open his present. It's a toy train, hand carved, because Johan's come a long way since he stained the bedside cabinets for their first apartment when he was twelve. Summer looks up at him wide eyed, looks at her present wide eyed, looks up at her Mami as if to ask if this is okay, and Santana plops down on the ground next to her and helps her unwrap the present. It's a rag doll, soft and cuddly and completely age appropriate, and surprisingly Summer refuses to be parted from it for at least the next six years.

It's night time and the kids are in bed, finally, and Brittany and Santana are curled up in Brittany's old bed, and it's still really too small but their arms and legs remember how to tangle together to make them both fit. They could have had a bigger bed, but somehow neither of them minded a little nostalgia. They kiss, not leading to anything more but just to be close, and murmur words of love in soft low voices.

Did you ever dream of this when were kids? Brittany asks, and Santana smirks.

I never dreamed I'd get _this_ lucky, she laughs, and pulls Brittany close for another kiss.


	13. Brittany's Forty

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's forty, and she doesn't understand why people make such a fuss about turning forty. It doesn't feel any different to thirty nine, and Santana's still her wife, and Adrian and Summer are still her kids, so she doesn't think it's such a big deal.

She doesn't dance anymore, not because she can't but because she feels like she's given all she has to give. It's okay though, because back when they were in college Santana made her minor in Education, so now Brittany's teaching drama. And Santana's still teaching preschool and Brittany has to laugh sometimes when she thinks about what they used to think they'd be doing at forty.

They hear from the other Glee kids every now and then. Quinn's a high powered lawyer in Chicago, though none of them could have guessed it, and she helps to make sure the kids belong legally and equally to both Brittany and Santana. Kurt's entertaining on cruise ships – a far cry from the fashion design career he had envisioned for himself, but he loves it because he gets to sing, and meet all sorts of men, from all over the world.

Puck got married, he's Noah again, and he has two little boys. He's still kind of a jerk but he's a grown up jerk now, so it's a lot mellower. Finn played football for OSU then drove trucks for a while, eventually managing to buy a couple and start his own fleet.

Rachel comes to LA to live because she's transitioning into film, she says, and she stays with them for a couple of weeks while she looks for a place to live. Santana's grown from her days of openly tormenting Rachel the way she did in high school, but Brittany can tell Rachel still grates on her nerves a little, so for every day Santana makes it through without hurting Rachel's feelings, Brittany gives her extra special snuggles. Santana's never been sweeter to Rachel. Eventually Rachel buys a house a couple of streets away from them and life goes back to normal.

It's the summer and they're taking their annual trip to Lima, and the kids are super excited to see their cousins – Johan met a nice girl and he has three kids now – and they're stepping off the plane to find Santana's parents there to meet them. No shyness from the kids now, they're throwing themselves into _abuela_ and _abuelo's_ arms, even Adrian who thinks he's really too grown up for this sort of thing.

It's a couple of weeks later and they're having dinner in Brittany's parents' house when her father says he doesn't feel very well, and he goes upstairs to lie down. An hour later Brittany goes up to check on him and say goodnight, and his face is gray, the color drained as he clutches at his chest. She screams, she can't help it, she runs down the stairs and grabs the phone and calls an ambulance and she watches, helpless, as her father is carried out on a stretcher.

She clings to Santana's hand as they follow the ambulance to the hospital, the kids safely with Santana's parents, she can't think about anything, can only cry big scared tears. It's an hour later and the doctor is telling them how sorry he is, that there's nothing more he can do. The bottom drops out of Brittany's world and all she can do is bury her face in Santana's shirt as they cry. Her daddy, her big, strong daddy, is dead and it hurts so much she can't breathe.

It's a few days later and they're at the funeral. It's Adrian and Summer's first funeral, and it's Brittany's first funeral too, and out of the three of them she feels the worst off. She's still crying, still clinging to Santana's hand, and Santana's crying too. Surprisingly it's Adrian who is the strong one, even though he's pretty shaken in his grief. He holds his mom's hand and stands close to her, and she wonders idly when her little boy grew up. They're watching the coffin get lowered into the ground and Brittany tosses a sunflower onto it as it disappears, because when Brittany was four her daddy told her she takes the sunlight with her wherever she goes, and this is her way of making sure he can take some of it to heaven with him.

It's a couple of weeks later and they're back home in LA. Santana and Brittany have both taken a leave of absence from work, just for a couple of weeks more while things get back to normal. The kids are back at school, and it's just Brittany in the house curled up with Santana on the couch. Santana's fingers are combing through Brittany's hair and they don't speak, just draw comfort from the closeness of each other.

I'm sorry, Santana says finally, even though she's said it a dozen times before, and Brittany knows, knows how sorry Santana is, but it's not her fault. She leans her head up to brush her lips against Santana's.

I love you, Brittany says, an edge of grief in her voice, and Santana shifts their position so she can hold Brittany tighter as she starts to cry again. I love you, she sobs, clutches at Santana's shirt and cries again for the loss of her father.

I love you too, Santana assures her. I'm not going anywhere, she promises, because Santana's been able to read Brittany like a book since they were four and she knows that this is what Brittany's really asking, she's desperate that Santana not leave her like her father had to. Santana's forty and she has no intention of leaving Brittany, can't think of anything she needs that she's not getting right here.

Brittany's forty and can't quite believe it's taken her this long to have her first brush with human mortality but she understands now, a little of why people are so afraid to turn forty, a little of why people are so afraid to get older, and she's a little bit scared. The only thing that makes her feel better is Santana's arms around her, so she settles in for more of that, taking comfort in the love of her life.


	14. Brittany's Fifty

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's fifty and she's in tears, holding her grandson in her arms.

Santana's not faring much better, and Adrian's standing there grinning like a mad man at the both of them. Brittany thinks maybe he understands a little of how she felt twenty two years ago when it was Adrian in her arms. Conner's twenty minutes old and already he's the life of the party, eyes wide open taking everything in.

Summer comes bursting into the room. Summer's twenty and she's a sophomore at UCLA – the old _alma mater_, as Santana insists on calling it – and she bolted out of her classes when she heard Adrian's partner was in labor. She holds out her arms for the baby, she's so excited to be an aunt, and Brittany reluctantly hands the little bundle over, reminding her daughter to be careful of the baby's head.

Santana takes her by the hand and leads her out of the room, and they hold each other tight, still crying, but unable to wipe the stupid grins off their faces. They're grandmothers, they have a grandson. It's so overwhelmingly huge that Brittany can't find words, so she gives up and crushes their lips together. They stand in a mostly empty corridor of the hospital, tongues tangling, Santana's fingers wrapped in Brittany's hair.

Brittany's fifty and from what she understands, love isn't usually like this. She thinks about Noah – he was such a man whore all through high school, met the love of his life when he was in his thirties, had two kids and was divorced by the time he was forty five. She thinks about Kurt, settled down finally with a man he said he'd fallen in love with the first time he'd laid eyes on him, but the two of them hadn't met until Kurt was forty.

She thinks about Rachel, single and alone, pretending she's happy but really pining away for the one person she's ever loved, who she gave up in high school – Quinn. And she thinks about Quinn, also single, but too proud and too scared to admit she'd been in love with Rachel right back.

She thinks about Santana, and how even when they were four, Brittany couldn't imagine growing older with anyone but her. Brittany's fifty, and she doesn't claim to be the world's authority on anything, least of all love, but she knows what she and Santana have is rare and beautiful. She knows a lot of people think they've found this, and are devastated when it fades, but she knows that her feelings for and attraction to Santana are just as strong now as when she was sixteen – and she knows Santana feels the same way.

I love you, she says, smiling brightly at Santana. Santana's fifty and her black hair is streaked with gray and she hates it, but Brittany likes it, says it makes her look distinguished and smoking hot. She wears glasses now but she still has that air about her, that air of confidence that everyone around her finds so sexy.

I love you too, Santana replies, her face mirroring Brittany's, and they enter the room together as Summer comes to get them, Santana taking her turn holding Conner, who has already been dubbed Little Conn. Brittany's got the camera out now and she's taking pictures of everyone and everything, except Adrian's partner Alex who doesn't want to be photographed so soon after giving birth. She snaps about a hundred shots of Santana cooing over Little Conn, remembering the way she'd cooed over Adrian way back when, and her heart hurts, hurts because it's so big and so full and threatening to beat out of her chest.

It's later and they're back at home, and the house is quiet except for the sound of a dog barking next door and their cat scuffling in the living room, probably chasing dust motes again. They're tangled together in their bed and Santana's looking at her in that way that means they're going to have sex, a lot of it, and Brittany might be fifty, but she's never too old to want this, to want Santana. Santana's hands aren't as steady now as they were when they were sixteen, but they still know exactly where to press and caress to make Brittany's breath catch in her throat, to make Brittany cry out into the darkness.

It's later and they're both exhausted and Brittany is draped over Santana's body in a way that makes Brittany concerned about Santana's ability to breathe, but Santana won't let her move, holds her close and strokes her hair and murmurs sweet nothings into her ear. The words I love you aren't enough, but they're also unnecessary, because Brittany knows Santana feels everything she feels.

It's a week later and surprisingly, Adrian and Alex have let Brittany and Santana look after Little Conn for the afternoon. Brittany hadn't remembered what a lot of work it is, looking after someone who can't walk or talk. She thinks maybe she romanticized it in her mind, because her memories of Adrian and Summer at this age don't include this horrible bone grating tiredness at the end of the afternoon. Finally he's asleep and Brittany's on the couch with him in her arms and Santana's giving in to the urge to take another hundred and one photos.

I guess we're getting older, Santana says after Adrian has come to pick up Little Conn and the two of them are curled up together on the sofa. Brittany nods, human mortality is still a touchy subject with her, especially since her mother died a couple of years after her father, and especially since neither of her parents will ever get to see her grandson. Brittany's fifty but she still cries sometimes, missing her parents dreadfully and thanking whatever God is up there that he sent someone as beautiful, strong and loving as Santana to look after her.

I don't mind getting older as long as you're here with me, she says softly, and Santana presses the most chaste of kisses to her forehead.

I'm here, she says, and that's enough.


	15. Brittany's Sixty

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

**Rating: **PG/R (sexual references)

I love hearing when people like my stories, but I also like hearing what people like about them specifically :) and feedback is love, so love me, okay?

Brittany's sixty, and she's felt stupid plenty of times over the years, but never more stupid than she feels right now. Why on earth had she agreed to take three active boys to the water park?

She has years of athleticism and dance to thank for the fact that she can do this at all. Honestly, she thought she was fine, thought it would be no problem to keep up with her grandsons for an afternoon. Little Conn's ten and the twins, Casey and Jeremy, are nine, and when she picked them up she was fresh from a nap and they were looking like little angels.

It's half an hour after she picked up the boys and they're all in their suits, ready and raring to go. Brittany starts them off small, in the wave pool, gauging their swimming ability before she takes them any deeper into the park. Adrian's taught them well, they're like fish swimming circles around her.

She builds up courage, takes them to a water slide and Little Conn and Jeremy race up the steps, a lifeguard has to tell them to slow down. Casey's not so sure, he holds her hand as they make their way up, and he wants her to go down the slide with him. I'm scared, Oma, he says, and dang if that doesn't get her every time. The lifeguard gives her a sympathetic smile and nods for them to go ahead and she and Casey settle themselves in the tube and push off, hooting and hollering all the way down. The other boys are waiting for them at the bottom and she watches how they high five Casey, and she's glad her grandsons aren't jerks like some kids are.

An hour later and she calls the boys to come and get something to eat, she buys them all hotdogs and they sit down to devour them. Little Conn sees a friend from school, he calls him over and suddenly Brittany's in charge of four boys, and she's not quite sure how it happened, but Jason's mom and dad seem grateful to her for taking him off their hands for a couple of hours. Brittany springs for another hotdog each, even Jason, and is pronounced the coolest oma in the world, which makes her grin, and tell them they can all have ice cream too.

She makes them all wait a half hour before going back in the water, and in that time Santana finally makes it to the park, and Brittany's practically crying, she's so happy to see her. Santana had errands to run or she would have come at the start, but Brittany's thinking this is better, because now she really appreciates her wife's presence.

The boys go back in the water and Brittany and Santana sit on the edge and watch them, until Santana has to dive in and save Jason who is being dog piled by all three of their grandsons. He comes up spluttering and crying, and hurries off back to his parents who are having a quiet cup of coffee, and Santana marches the boys up the grassy bank and makes them stand in a line while she questions them. Brittany follows.

Why? Santana asks, and all three boys look sullen and don't answer, so Santana looks to Brittany and Brittany does her sad face, that seems to work every time, and finally Jeremy's cracking. He tells them that Jason made a snide remark about the fact that their oma and abuela are both ladies and where is the grandpa? And oh, Brittany and Santana thought they'd dealt with this enough while Adrian and Summer were in school, but no, apparently bigotry knows no end.

In between scolding the boys and telling them they should use their words, and hugging them to soothe the hurt Jason's words have obviously caused, Santana springs for another round of ice cream, and the boys cheer up enough to tell her she's the best abuela in the world, and Brittany knows that face, that's Santana's proud face, the one she wore in high school while she was proclaiming how smoking hot she looked, the one she wore at Brittany's graduations, the one she wore every time a passer by told her how beautiful her son or daughter were. She smiles and hugs Santana, because after more than fifty years of knowing and loving her, there were some things that didn't need to be said.

It's a little bit later and the boys are playing peacefully now that Jason is gone, and Brittany's half keeping an eye on them and half watching Santana swim laps. They're sixty, and their bodies aren't what they used to be, but Brittany still gets that good low down tickle when she sees her wife in a bathing suit, moving gracefully through the water. She wants to round the boys up and take them home now, so she can kiss her wife senseless (and she's never, never got tired of calling Santana her wife) but she's just been crowned the coolest oma in the world, so she has to live up to the title.

It's later and the air is getting colder and Brittany and Santana make the boys get out of the water, send them to go get changed (they're old enough that they don't need any help from _girls_). Brittany and Santana take advantage of the few minutes they have, slipping into a change room by themselves and stripping off their suits, slowly toweling each other off and dressing each other, all the while exchanging warm kisses and words of love.

They drop the boys home as the sun is setting, with promises to do it again soon. But not too soon, Santana murmurs as the front door closes, and Brittany laughs. She loves her grandsons, she really does, but she's getting too old for afternoons like this.

Once upon a time getting old would have been a scary thought but now it just seems sort of warm and cozy, well worn and fuzzy. We're growing old together, she remarks idly to Santana, and Santana gives her a look that says she knew they would end up like this.

They collapse onto the couch, Santana holding Brittany in her arms, and turn on the TV. Brittany doesn't know what's on, doesn't care, it's just background noise. Santana's fingers are running through her hair and Brittany lets her eyes close gently when she hears Santana start crooning some Spanish lullaby softly in her ear.


	16. Brittany's Seventy

**Title:** Remember When

**Author:** Lucy

**Pairing: **Brittany/Santana

Rating: PG/R (sexual references)

**A/N: **So that's it, folks. It's been a wild ride, but we're at the end. Be sure and let me know what you thought!

Brittany's seventy and she's sad. All of their friends are slowly succumbing to their age and one by one, shuffling off this mortal coil – at least, that's what Rachel said the last time they spoke. Finn was the first to go, quietly in his sleep a couple of years ago, and Brittany heard that Mercedes had a stroke a few months after that.

Brittany sometimes worries about what she's going to do if Santana goes first. She's not worried about who would look after – Adrian and Summer are both grown up enough to take care of her, and even Little Conn is in his twenties now – but she's more worried about who will trace soft patterns on her back with their fingertips when she's curled up on the couch, and who will run their fingers through her hair, and who will sing her to sleep. Though she's pretty sure Rachel would volunteer for that last one if she were asked.

Sometimes Brittany thinks about her life. She thinks about meeting Santana when they were four, and all the things they've done together – school, graduating, going to college, which was something Brittany never could have done without Santana. And she thinks about the bigger stuff, like getting married, their beautiful children and grandchildren, their house and the life they built together.

All in all she thinks she's probably one of the luckiest people on the planet, to have met Santana so early. She's super glad that she didn't have to wait until she was, like, thirty to meet her, because that's more than twenty years she would have had to live without her. When Brittany thinks about how her life would have turned out if that little crying girl hadn't appeared that day in preschool, her stomach gets all twisty and knotted. She can't, won't imagine how her life would have turned out if Santana hadn't been in it.

Brittany's seventy and she can't always make her body do what she wants it to do anymore. She can't walk as fast, can't run anymore, and when she tries to dance she can really only sort of sway back and forth. But Santana says she's still the best dancer she's ever known, still thinks she's graceful and beautiful, and sometimes they still put on old timey music and wrap their arms around each other and sway back and forth together.

The end starts slowly, so slowly that Brittany doesn't realize it's the end. They're sitting on the couch watching TV, like they do most of the time, snuggled up together under a blanket. Brittany's fingers on her left hand start to tingle, and she doesn't think anything of it except maybe she's been leaning on that arm funny, so she shifts a little, leans up and kisses Santana's jaw.

Her head's a little floaty and she snuggles into Santana a little more for stability, but now she's having a little trouble breathing, and her arm is starting to hurt, and her chest really hurts, and she's wondering if this is what her daddy felt like when he had his heart attack.

Somewhere very far away Santana is talking to her, calling her name, shaking her a little, and Brittany can hear the panic in her voice so she tries to answer, but talking is hard, moving her lips takes a million pounds of effort, so she lets herself slip into the velvety blackness and doesn't know any more.

She wakes up in a white room, and she's hooked up to a bunch of things that beep and make noise, and she doesn't like them, but Santana's sitting next to her holding her hand and she's crying, and Santana doesn't cry except when things are really bad, so Brittany starts to worry. San, she tries to say, but her throat is dry and scratchy and all that comes out is a little raspy breath. So she tries squeezing Santana's hand, and Santana realizes she's awake, and she's crying harder now, telling Brittany she had a heart attack – just like her daddy, Brittany thinks – and that she's in the hospital.

It's a couple of days later and lots of people have come to see her. Not everyone, because it's hard to travel when you're as old as they are. Johan's been to see her, and his kids, and Adrian and Summer haven't left the room since they were called. Little Conn, Casey, Jeremy have come and gone with flowers and soft kisses on Brittany's cheeks and when Rachel came Brittany could hear her coming all the way from the elevator, scattering nurses in her wake and making Santana roll her eyes even though she was still so sad.

Perhaps the most surprising visitor is Puck, who shuffles in using a cane and leans down to kiss Brittany on the cheek, then sits and puts his arm around Santana, who leans into him and cries. Brittany thinks maybe she's not the only one who's wondered what she'll do if her wife goes first. She hasn't been saying much of anything, people have mostly been talking to Santana, and that's okay by Brittany cos mostly all she wants to do is sleep. When Puck leaves, he leans in close and whispers in her ear that he loves her.

Brittany's in the hospital for a couple of weeks before they say she can go home. Santana takes her home in a cab, wraps her in a blanket when they get in the house, sits her on the couch and bustles around getting her drinks of water and cookies, even though Santana's not much faster than Brittany, these days.

Life goes back to normal for a few months, and Brittany's almost forgotten all about her heart attack when it happens again. She's in bed with Santana when she feels it, the pain in her chest, shooting up and down her arm. San, she says, waking Santana up, San I don't feel so good. Santana wakes up slowly and looks at her and Brittany can tell by Santana's face that something's really wrong. She remembers her daddy's face, all ashen and gray, and wonders if that's what her face looks like.

Santana gets out of bed and calls 911 but Brittany's scared now, because she saw what happened to her father and she's pretty sure she knows what's happening now, and they've never really talked about death but Brittany thinks of it like a big black void, and Brittany doesn't want to go to any big black scary void without Santana's hand in hers. She calls out for Santana, her eyes wide and frightened in her face, and Santana comes back to bed, gets under the covers with her and holds her tight, one hand smoothing her hair back from her face, and Brittany begins to calm down. I love you, Santana says, and she's crying, but there's a reassuring smile curving her lips, and Brittany smiles back.

I love you too, she manages, but that's all she can say.

She's dimly aware of the door opening and men in white uniforms bustling around her. She's not afraid, because she's might be going to the big black void but Santana's arms are still strong around her. She's calm, she's warm and she's comfortable, and she feels love.

Brittany's seventy, and the last thing she hears before she slips away is Santana's voice, choked with tears, singing her a lullaby.


End file.
